Answering Machine Messages

Hi, the answering machine is broken...this is the refrigerator....please speak slowly and I will stick your message on myself with one of these magnets

Please leave a message.....you have the right to remain silent, but everything you say will be recorded and used against you......

Greetings, you have reached the sixth sense detective agency....we know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

This is the literacy self-test hot line..after the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word....today's word is supercilious....

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and i feel stupid talking to people I don't remember....please help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself...

Now I lay me down to sleep, leave a message at the beep, if I die before I wake, remember to erase the tape

Hello, I have a puppy in one hand and a smith and Wesson in the other....leave a message or the puppy gets it

Hello, we can't come to the phone right now because we're busy doing something we really enjoy.....i like doing it up and down, she likes doing it left to right....real slowly....so leave a message and we'll get back to you when we're done brushing our teeth

A is for academics, b is for beer, one of those reasons is why we're not here.....so leave a message

Hi, if you are the phone company, I already sent the money....if you are my parents, please send money....if you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money....if you are my friend, you didn't lend me enough money....if you are female, don't worry, I have plenty of money

[narrator's voice] There he sits, reading a magazine....suddenly the phone rings...the bathroom explodes in a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with him in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speed...will he make it in time...alas, no, his valiant effort is in vain.

Hi, I am probably at home...i'm just avoiding someone I don't like...leave a message and if I don't call back, it's you.