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Lawyers say the darndest things
Question: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Q: Now, doctor, is it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: And did he kill you?
Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
Q: The youngest son, the 20 year-old. How old is he?
Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
Q: Do you have children or anything of that kind?
Q: I show you figure 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by who's death was it terminated.
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be 3 months on November 8th.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was august 8th.
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So you were gone until you returned?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement.
A: Yes.
Q: And the stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?
Q: Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice that I sent your attorney?
A: No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A: No.
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
A: No.
Q: Mrs. Smith, do you believe you are emotionally unstable?
A: I should be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
A: Four times.
Q: What is your name?
A: Ernestine McDowell.
Q: And what is your marriage status?
A: Fair.
Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
Q: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trail?
A: The victim lived.
Q: The truth
of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas.
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.
Q: Are you married?
A: No, I'm divorced.
Q: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A: A lot of things I didn't know about.
Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. OK? What school do you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.