LAWRENCE LIVERMORE DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT!

Livermore, California:

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by Lawrence Livermore Laboratories' physicists.  The element tentatively named "Administratium" has no protons nor electrons , and thus has an atomic number of zero. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to its discoverers, a minute amount of Admiriistratium caused one reaction to take over four days, when it normally would have occurred in less than one second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons change places.  Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, universities, and even certain health-care organizations, and can be found in the newest best-appointed and best-maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration . and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.  Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date have not been promising.

Anonymous

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